Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
