Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize