LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
