he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
