you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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