wrigley field is MILF paradise
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
