conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
