Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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