he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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