that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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