Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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