You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
