I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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