Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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