I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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