There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
