i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
