i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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