My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
