I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
