Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize