god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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