Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
