Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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