I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
