If i come over, it means nothing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
