"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
