I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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