Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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