"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
