you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Randomize
