# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
