nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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