I accidentally had phone sex last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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