so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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