Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize