that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
