then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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