He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
