I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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