Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
