His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
