it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
time to smoke my breakfast
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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