I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
