Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
