I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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