We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
