and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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