I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
