I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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