# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
