just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
