Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
