And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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