I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
