girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
