so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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