Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
