you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
