Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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