I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize