If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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