i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
