problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
