So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
