No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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